Speak with purpose

(and say what you really want to say)

Speaking with purpose is nothing more than saying what you want to say, but sometimes what we want to say is not the right thing to say.

 

When you force yourself to say what you think the other person wants to hear, It comes out fake. Even while saying it, you start to feel uncomfortable. Maybe it’s just that I’m not good at lying, but whenever I say something I don’t reallymean, I get this awkward feeling like I am being mischievous.

 

This comes from that disconnect between what you actually mean and what you end up saying.There are a couple of things you can do before speaking that will help you be authentic and say the right thing, aligned with your truth and values.

Step 1: Think before you speak

When people say: “Don’t say the first thing that comes to mind”, it’s because the first thing that comes to mind might not be appropriate.


We have more than 6,000 thoughts a day, we can’t expect all of them to be right, appropriate or necessary. So, before you speak take a moment to analyze your message and make sure it’s actually valuable to say.

 

What do I want the other person to know? Is this information valuable to them?

 

An example could be when you are out with friends, and someone wants to do something you don’t want to do. You go, but you are not happy about it, so you complain the whole time.

 

Is complaining really helpful? – If your friend is happy and you decided to go, you should think before you speak and filter out the negative thoughts that are not adding any value to your friends or the current situation.

Step 2: Own your message

Continuing with the example of being out with friends, filtering out your thoughts doesn’t mean not saying anything and always being positive. That’s not even possible.


But what you can do, is be objective with your words and say something that is valuable and truthful. Find that sweet spot of what you want to say and what the other person needs to hear or should hear.

 

We also get positive thoughts all the time, that we don’t always acknowledge, or say out loud. Why not? – If you think about it, you mean it, and it’s positive; SAY IT.

 

An example could be a compliment, when you are out and about and you see someone walking down the street and you like their shirt, you can just tell them and I guarantee you are gonna make their day. And if you see someone wearing a shirt you don’t like, why tell them?

Step 3: Pause

Don’t be afraid of silence — it’s there to help you. There’s no such thing as awkward silence; you are the one who decides if it feels awkward or not.

 

Pausing gives you space to think, breathe, and choose your words with intention. Silence can be powerful. It shows you’re present, and not rushing to fill the silence.

And when you give other people the space to think about what you said, you’ll find that they will also speak with more purpose and confidence.

Step 4: Listen

I hate it when I’m speaking and I can tell the other person is not listening, or paying attention at all. And honestly, it’s just as bad when you’re the one doing it — when you are thinking about what you want to say, so you don’t listen to what the other person is saying. It’s rude!

 

Real listening means being present. Pay attention not just to their words, but to their tone, their pace, their body language. Let them finish. Resist the urge to interrupt or jump ahead in your mind.